Criticism

People who pursue higher education willingly put themselves in a position of vulnerability. They conduct research then submit at seminars and conferences in order to receive criticism. I always remember the professor who was laughed at by another professor at a conference I attended. It's important to receive criticism, but can we manage it if it's not what we expected or if it makes us look stupid? 

I don't know how to handle it well. I always leave presentations with a host of emotions swimming inside, making me seasick because of all the internal activity. I've been thinking all afternoon about my last presentation, yet there is no real consensus on what it is I'm really feeling. 

Are my propositions true? Are they testable? Will I fall flat on my face? This business of criticism is really critical to a graduate student's growth, but it's nerve racking, to say the least. I believe only confidence in work output can put these nerves to rest. However, that is definitely something i need to work on.

Where do we go now

An interesting Lebanese movie is an understatement. The movie starts by showing us Muslims and Christians living together in a small neighborhood peacefully. This town is so remote that getting signal to watch television or to listen to the radio is a privilege. Despite their remoteness, the men still fought each other because of religious segregation. The women, however, were more thick skinned and devised a way to make peace among the men. They arranged to have Ukrainian prostitutes stay in the village for a while. This worked temporarily, then the men were at each others throats again. This put the ladies into a higher gear. They baked cookies and other pastries with an assortment of drugs and hash. The Ukrainian ladies then gave them a dance show. During this time, the women raided the houses, taking all the guns and burying them. By the next day, men were calmer and women switched religions to show the men that their previous actions were wrong. 

In an effort to maintain peace, a woman did not alert the community to her murdered son. By the end of the movie, when the men calmed down, the son's body was taken to the cemetery. However, given that the women had now changed religion and the cemetery was divided based on religion, the pallbearers asked the question 'where do we go now?'. Where indeed.

Thailand Lychee Tea

Thank Goodness for this Thailand Lychee Tea. It's my now my favourite drink. It's very refreshing and inexpensive.

Lizard influx

In the last 24 hours I've seen more lizards than I've seen all year. One was even on my window. Thank God it didn't get inside. It seems like they're just coming out of hibernation or they just hatched. Where did they go for the other 3 seasons? I need to do some research on this, because this influx may be related to some economics theory ;)

The Pre-Camp Post-Mortem

Last weekend I had pre-camp preparations for a summer camp. Don't be misled by the term camp, it's very civilized - takes place inside a hotel. This won't be a Boy Scout adventure:). Anyways, this pre- camp was very interesting. One of the universities I considered applying to in Japan was APU. This weekend made me happy that I didn't apply. From the small sample of students I saw, I don't think I would fit well at that university. 

On another note, this pre-camp has left me with aches all over. 30 minutes of exercise for 2 mornings have left me in pain. I'm really in bad shape. Why does exercise get less attractive when we need it most? As we get older, we exercise less and this is the time that we need it the most. Oh how I wish my body still felt the same as when I was 16. I guess I have a week to exercise every morning, in order to get in better shape for the camp. So I'll try to do that. 

Excitement is one root of no sleep

Ever since I was little, I've always had trouble falling asleep the night before a trip. I guess that excited little girl is still in me :). My unspoken expectations of the camp are probably exaggerated, but for some reason I can't convince myself that it's not a big deal and go to sleep. 

That excitement caused me to get less than 5 hours sleep, which made me feel jet lagged all day. Getting too excited is costly. I wonder how I'll function in a 9-5 job, though. My sleep cycle doesn't seem to match that of regular human beings, so I think I'll work with the irregular people in universities first and hire people to wake up early and open my businesses. Even after getting enough sleep in the night, waking up early always leaves me feeling sleepy by midday. 

Maybe I should just give in to my inner vampire. Live at nights and sleep during the day. The sun is so overrated! :)

True Westerner

It's 5:39 am, I'm not suffering from Jet lag, but I'm still awake. Apparently my body has reverted to western time. I wonder if this is normal. My body does this a few times per year, and throws off my schedule. 

Maybe it has nothing to do with time zones. Maybe I'm just more alert when the sun is not around to zap my energy. Or maybe I'm a prospective vampire, haha.

Minimizing Inertia while researching

Some of us are late starters and some are very late starters. Sometimes I feel guilty because it takes so long for me start. Then I remember a popular idiom 'better late than never'. No matter how late I start, I always find consolation in the fact that I actually started and as a result there's a higher probability that I'll finish. 

After starting, the problem of procrastination sets in. The trick is to start a regular routine and push yourself to follow it everyday. Even that has problems. For very late starters, discipline may not be easy. Since I know that, I find external push factors in the form of classes to go to in the mornings, a test to study for, a conference to work towards, etcetera. With this strategy, some days are very productive for me, while others are total duds. The bad days should not demotivate you though, since this is a work in progress to minimize the inertia. 

X's and Y's

Someone said ''I don't have x's, I have y's - Y the hell did I do that?" I found the quotation rather interesting, so I posted it on my Facebook page. Someone then commented that I'll soon be at z :) What a cute line of thought. On a more serious note though, the quotation has given me food for thought. If we make our x's into y's then we may be setting ourselves up for more pain. If he / she is an ex, leave it alone, look at the mistakes made in the relationship and try to learn from them. It seems rather unwise to dwell on the reasons for ever having a relationship with that person. I know that sometimes, we may think bitterly about our past relationship, but shouldn't they just be stepping stones to a better, more mature, fun-filled relationship?
As far as I know, life is full of diversity and we ought to explore the variety that has been offered to us. As for my friend who is worried about me finishing the alphabet, I wish he wouldn't see the world through an old, sheltered man's eyes. I wish that he would see me with the same opportunities, desires and abilities as a man. If a man has as many lovers as letters in the alphabet, he is not chastised, but if a woman does, she is seen as not being lady-like. I turn my nose up at that kind of inequality between the sexes. 

Before choosing the one person that I want to spend my life with, shouldn't I be allowed to interview the potential life partners and test drive them for a while first? In the information age, who signs contracts without proof that the product is in good shape and can be used for its intended purpose? Why should relationships be any different? Bad or discarded relationships should help to make us better at relating to each other and lead to better future relationships. Being a student of economics, I'll keep test driving until I find the one that gives the optimal driving experience and steady state growth :).

Paper Woes

Writing a paper can be such a hassle and it seems starting at the end is more sensible than starting at the beginning. I wish I knew this 7 months ago. If I did, I think I would have completed at least 2 first drafts by now. Instead I now have 3 unfinished, worrisome papers. Oh how I wish I could turn back the hands of time.

Do all Phd students go through this? I hope not. I am now determined to start smarter next time - right after I complete these 3 papers.