Kindness - What exactly is it?

We often times don't think too much about kindness. Everyone knows of the word and everyone knows that it's better to be kind than unkind, but how many of us are actually kind.


The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines 'kind' as "having or showing a gentle nature and a desire to help others: wanting and liking to do good things and to bring happiness to others".

The Oxford online dictionary defines it as "The quality of being friendly, generous and considerate".

These definitions are understandable but at the same time very vague. The definitions therefore raise a few questions, such as if one is not gentle natured, can't that person be kind? How generous do I have to be so I can be considered kind? Can I be generous to my friends only? Can I be generous to only those in need? Should I only do good things to bring happiness to others in need or is the need irrelevant?

I happen to be of the belief that kindness extends beyond need. It is kind to help an old lady with her grocery bags. It is kind to help a child with home work. There are many kind acts that are based on need, but I believe it shows a greater level of kindness and consideration when you send a friend a scarf because it's winter and she's feeling a bit down. It's awesome when your friend sees some thing being advertised and relays the information because he/she thinks you may benefit from it. This kind of kindness that extends beyond needs shows the true character of a friend. My big brother took my friends and I out for ice cream a few times during high school, not because we needed it or because he would benefit somehow, but because he had day offs and just thought of a way to enhance my happiness.

The thoughtfulness behind a kind act is much greater in acts that are not related to need. Those related to need should be 'mandatory' kind acts, Helping someone with bus fare, giving to the homeless, helping an old lady with her bags are great, but imagine if you could take it a step further. Imagine if you stopped and had conversations with the homeless, shared stories about your day with him or her, talk to the old lady while carrying her bags and listen to her stories. Imagine being able to step up your kindness game, do you know how much happier you would be?!

Friends

I long for past days when I dressed up and felt feminine. I long for the days when I had close friends who I could hang out with and witness each other's lives together. I miss the days when Christmas and New Years meant parties like Osmosis, Yush, French Connection and just plain old clubbing at the Quad. I miss the Diva who used to drag me to all these parties and force me to enjoy myself. 

Life has certainly changed. I'm no longer an active member of the society in which I live because of language and culture barriers that I just don't have time to overcome. Friends are now virtual representations through social media and VoIP connections. No one hugs me anymore just cuz its Thursday. No one says 'I'm coming over so make sure there's food in the house' anymore. 

Friends are such precious commodities in our lives that we don't fully appreciate until they're gone or until they become only whatsapp and Facebook connections. If they're only a message or a phone call away, albeit in a different time zone, and I feel so disconnected, imagine if they were in a different realm, like the afterlife. 

I had no idea being a student in this country would be so hard. Hardly any of the friends I've made here over the years are still here. Almost everyone leaves. There isn't much of a pathway made here to retain foreign students and we are often times asked why are we here so long and when we will return to wherever we came from. The conversation is never about if I like it here enough to live or if I want to stay. It's always assumed to I will return somewhere soon. 

In my previous life, I was culturally close to the US, Canada & the UK, so I often thought of grad students being welcomed by the countries in which they studied. I thought I would be able to live anywhere and assimilate to any culture and make friends who were physically close by. Oh how my understanding of life has changed. 

It's impossible to live happily without like minds around, even for introverts like me. Some people have asked me why I don't socialize with people from my home country more, as if we should all be friends despite our personality differences, interests and current places in life. I tend to have many acquaintances but I can't call them up when I'm having a panic attack or when I'm otherwise unwell or just in need of someone to just sit and chat with. We just aren't close like that. 

So I miss the olden days when I had that. When I could just go driving for no reason with a friend or just crash at a friend's or sibling's home because I didn't want to go home. I miss it all and I wonder if I'll ever be able to have it all again. I wonder...and I hope that I'll make even stronger connections with friends in the future.

Time heals more than wounds

There are some people that we meet who we become friends with so easily. They are extremely easy to flow with; however there are others whose personality clashes so much with our own personality that maintaining that friendship is almost like pulling a stubborn donkey along. With the friends that flow easily, there is no question about continuing the friendship, but for the other type of friend, questions about the pros and cons of maintaining the friendship pops up. Should I expend more time and energy pulling this donkey along with the hope that soon it will decide that it wants to come along with me and enjoy the journey of my friendship? Or should I simply let the donkey go and if it follow me then great and if it doesn't then I can view it as a loss and move on?

There is no right or wrong answer to these questions and each individual will have to decide what to do in each case. It's just another case of life showing us that there is no roadmap, no guidebook for the test of life. We can look at other people's lives but our situations are so different that we can't simply follow someone else and expect to end up in the same place they did. Life just doesn't work that way.

So, I've developed my own model that I tweak frequently to deal with the changes in life. I'm willing to be friends and work on friendships to a certain extent, but when they become too burdensome and detract from the pleasures and benefits of life, I will stop communication with that friend and give the problematic situation time to heal itself or become less problematic. After all, there is an old adage that says 'time heals all wounds', so why worry about broken friendships, with time they will heal.  

Rock Climbing in Ashiya

Yesterday I went rock climbing, partially by accident. My friend invited me to go hiking, but a lack of a tour guide and an adventurous nature led us to a rock climbing path. I thoroughly enjoyed it even though my body was screaming with exhaustion. Believe me, rock  climbing inside a gym does not compare to actual rock climbing on a real mountain. During the ascent, we found several scenic views that left us with a sense of peace and serenity. So much so, that one of my climbing partners kept repeating that she wants to live in the mountains so that she will be able to feel the same sense of calm all day everyday.

 The terrain was simply beautiful. The orange coloured dirt provided an apt contrast to the luscious green hills of Ashiya Rock Garden. The journey was one of endurance and bonding among friends.

 A few times during the trek I wondered about our safety. If one person had fallen and gotten hurt on the rocky terrain, what would we have done? It would have been extremely difficult to bring someone downhill because of the steep and uneven surface. I  hope the hospitals have special helicopters to rescue injured hikers and mountain climbers.

 On the way up we encountered mountain lions. Haha, ok, not really lions, but cute cats from the family of lions :). It struck me as a bit strange because it was drizzling and as far as I know, cats do not like being wet. So why were they outside in the rain? Are mountain cats less sensitive to being wet? I love the colour contrasts though. I wonder if they are a couple. If they are, I hope they'll make multicoloured kittens.

Look at the slope!
I climbed that ! I'm proud of my fitness level because against my expectations, my body seems fine the day after. I'm not suffering from any muscle aches. How is that even possible? Someone who never exercises goes rock climbing and experiences no pain afterwards.

Anyways, it was a very enjoyable climb. I think I'll do it again this year :).