Why do I want him to call now after ignoring him all day?
My emotions are so mixed up. I really don't want to like him, but the time spent with him has created some level of companionship towards him. Maybe 'companionship' is the wrong word. 'Friendliness' may be a better word. So, he doesn't seem too bad. Well, I never really expected him to be, but why do I want him to call?
I turn down all his offers to lunch, dinner, date, whatever. But I want him to ask any ways. I tell him, 'no, you can't take me anywhere', but I'm imagining him taking me to the airport. He's also the first one to pop up when I think of going to a fun filled place.
I don't understand the strange things that happen when I think of men.
He's not unattractive. But it would be nice if his stomach was not as large or his age wasn't a concern.
How will I ever know when a man is genuine? How will I be able to trust a man when most of the men I know are horrible, selfish creatures? I'm scared that I may get hurt, so I don't allow myself to get involved emotionally with anyone. It hurts too much when I have to pick up the pieces of my heart all by my lonesome self. It hurts like hell.
So it all comes down to these facts:
1. I seem to like him
2. I'm leaving the country soon
3. That's not enough time to get to know him
4. I don't know how genuine his confessions of affection are
5. He may distract me while in school.
6. I'm not really comfortable around men
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Getting rid of that task, picking up another one
I can't wait to start packing my bags in preparation for Japan. Even though, there really is nothing wrong in my life right now, I yearn for better. I yearn for new experiences, new faces, accents and challenges. For now, I really just want to spend time with my family and rest. It would also be great if I could get a handle on my thesis proposal and get it done within a week.
But, all of that will have to wait a bit, since I have this thing that I do every day between 8:30am and 5:00pm. And In order to do it, I have to prepare for at least an hour and commute there in about another 2 hrs. Then take another 2 hours to wind down in the evenings. When I incorporate the time I eat, sleep and and use the restroom, I am left with only about 2-3 hours free per day. Now you may think this is good enough to do all the things I want to do, but somehow, for me, it's grossly inadequate. So, what shall I do? It seems obvious, :) Get rid of that thing that takes up so much of my time each day. I'm in the process of doing just that, but while I'm working at it, I'm still losing time that could have been used to do other things. But, there is an upside, I get paid every month for a portion of the time I spend doing this thing :). So, it's not so bad, but I can still complain and get it off my chest.
I'm so excited though, about the new turn my life is about to take :) Ganbarimasu
But, all of that will have to wait a bit, since I have this thing that I do every day between 8:30am and 5:00pm. And In order to do it, I have to prepare for at least an hour and commute there in about another 2 hrs. Then take another 2 hours to wind down in the evenings. When I incorporate the time I eat, sleep and and use the restroom, I am left with only about 2-3 hours free per day. Now you may think this is good enough to do all the things I want to do, but somehow, for me, it's grossly inadequate. So, what shall I do? It seems obvious, :) Get rid of that thing that takes up so much of my time each day. I'm in the process of doing just that, but while I'm working at it, I'm still losing time that could have been used to do other things. But, there is an upside, I get paid every month for a portion of the time I spend doing this thing :). So, it's not so bad, but I can still complain and get it off my chest.
I'm so excited though, about the new turn my life is about to take :) Ganbarimasu
Saturday, July 30, 2011
I know the secret behind gossiping
I have just figured out why people gossip. Or at least, one of the reasons that they gossip.
In the early stages of life, we dream. We dream because an entire life lies ahead of us. But after either succeeding or failing at that dream or those dreams, we stop dreaming and essentially die (metaphorically). When we stop dreaming, we stop having meaningful goals and settle for mediocre standards. This type of thing seems to happen to a lot of women once they have children and turn into housewives. At this point, some women stop dreaming their own dreams. In fact, many of them stop living their own lives. They become mothers and forget that there is a woman underneath as well. All that they become concerned with or obsessed with is the well being and life path of their children. This lack of a 'life' leads to gossiping and other unproductive ventures.
There should be a class on parenting. Somewhere that will teach parents how to balance their own lives with the lives of their children.
In the early stages of life, we dream. We dream because an entire life lies ahead of us. But after either succeeding or failing at that dream or those dreams, we stop dreaming and essentially die (metaphorically). When we stop dreaming, we stop having meaningful goals and settle for mediocre standards. This type of thing seems to happen to a lot of women once they have children and turn into housewives. At this point, some women stop dreaming their own dreams. In fact, many of them stop living their own lives. They become mothers and forget that there is a woman underneath as well. All that they become concerned with or obsessed with is the well being and life path of their children. This lack of a 'life' leads to gossiping and other unproductive ventures.
There should be a class on parenting. Somewhere that will teach parents how to balance their own lives with the lives of their children.
Friday, July 29, 2011
The reason for our Existence
I just had a revelation. We seem to live in a pointless world, where we get educated, work, retire and die. But some people die young and it leaves us to wonder, what was the whole point of that life? If all the knowledge that one person amassed just dies with him/her then what really was the point of going to school, socializing and dreaming of a better life? Really, what is the point of life?
Some persons, economists included believe that the human race is really a selfish species. So, selfish that they purport that each person always tries to satisfy him or herself first. But, in the grand scheme of things, maybe they are dead wrong!
It seems....
like we live for each other,
that we are lost without friends,
that we only exist to make the world a better place,
or at least a much more improved place.
I think, and this is my humble opinion, that we are extremely altruistic as human beings. So much so that we can't really see it ourselves. We are indeed strange creatures. One would never guess from our daily interactions with each other, the high level of cruelty sometimes exhibited, but really, is it really because we are naturally selfish, unfair persons? No. In the end, we make the world more comfortable for the next generation. We have children and live for them. In fact, we try to make our lives better for them. We even want to leave them an inheritance when we die. Which other specie on earth does that? We seem to genuinely care about the wellbeing of the people of the future, who we don't even know yet. :)
Amazing epiphany, isn't it? The human race seems to be altruistic beyond measure. Even on a deathbed, the dying soul most always extend themselves to add just a little more value to the persons who will remain among the living. Isn't it just amazing how much we care about the wellbeing of each other? Maybe there is a method to all the madness we do on a daily basis. Maybe, just maybe, it's one of the puzzles that we are yet to solve.
Some persons, economists included believe that the human race is really a selfish species. So, selfish that they purport that each person always tries to satisfy him or herself first. But, in the grand scheme of things, maybe they are dead wrong!
It seems....
like we live for each other,
that we are lost without friends,
that we only exist to make the world a better place,
or at least a much more improved place.
I think, and this is my humble opinion, that we are extremely altruistic as human beings. So much so that we can't really see it ourselves. We are indeed strange creatures. One would never guess from our daily interactions with each other, the high level of cruelty sometimes exhibited, but really, is it really because we are naturally selfish, unfair persons? No. In the end, we make the world more comfortable for the next generation. We have children and live for them. In fact, we try to make our lives better for them. We even want to leave them an inheritance when we die. Which other specie on earth does that? We seem to genuinely care about the wellbeing of the people of the future, who we don't even know yet. :)
Amazing epiphany, isn't it? The human race seems to be altruistic beyond measure. Even on a deathbed, the dying soul most always extend themselves to add just a little more value to the persons who will remain among the living. Isn't it just amazing how much we care about the wellbeing of each other? Maybe there is a method to all the madness we do on a daily basis. Maybe, just maybe, it's one of the puzzles that we are yet to solve.
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