My birthday present - The Guatemalan button

I saw the thing I wanted for my birthday but couldn't have it. The circumstances were just wrong. I didn't know how to ask for it. Neither did I have the audacity to let the words leave my mouth. This gift of which I speak is not a thing, per say, but a person. A guy who is as cute as a button :). For my birthday I wanted to sew him onto my dress and see if we would go well together. But how does one ask another to be a gift without wrapping? I guess guys do this kind of thing all the time, but women don't usually have much practice in the direct line of picking up men. What a shame though, because if he were female and I were male, I would definitely have at least asked for my wish.

Does every hoe still have a stick in bush?

Imagine being jolted from your sleep because of a loud roaring sound outside. Imagine realizing that it's only the rain. Imagine rolling over to cuddle but to your surprise there is no one there...

Imagine the chasm you'd fall into and the loneliness you'd feel. Just imagine the hurt you would feel because he just hasn't been searching hard enough to find you. This hoe definitely needs her stick from the Bush, but the stick needs a middle man to find it, cut it and bring it to the hoe. So a bit of coordination is required.

In the absence of or in addition to friends and family connections,  today's world offers dating websites - such a wonderful invention. With this wonderful creation it should have been easy to find a stick in the bush to insert into my hoe, however the sample has grown from a backyard bush to an amazon-like forest. With so many trees to choose from, how does one determine which stick is best? And so the awesome problem of an abundance of choices arise or as Economists would call it, 'the paradox of choice' arises.

This abundance of choices applies to all the users of these websites though which means meaningful relationships are harder to form. This leads us to meeting a lot of people, being confused by too many choices and forming less stable relationships. In the end, we end up waking up to pitter patter sounds of rain on the roof, rolling over and feeling nothing but space. All that pitters doesn't patter :) - the rain version of 'All that glitters isn't gold'.When online dating just burst on the scene, many persons felt that it would definitely solve their problems, but instead, it only made it worse for some.

In this bustling online world, does every hoe still have their stick in the bush? Maybe yes, but maybe we no longer take the time needed to find out if the stick is the right fit. Maybe seeing the stick online and meeting the stick in person is a challenge. Maybe the stick was even misrepresented online - 'catfished'. Oh boy, this online world can make life so much more difficult than it has to be!

If ever

If ever you were mine, 
I would change like the hands of time.

Forever changing while remaining the same

If ever you were mine, 
This poem,  I would not write. 

For my time would not be mine

And my desires would not coincide with ink and scribe

If ever you realized
That you i idealized,

would you be able to live up 

to the fantasies I fantasize?

Would i be able to proclaim all the feelings that have spun this tight knit web? 

If ever you were mine, 

Oh the feeling would be divine

But alas you have no price

And i have no means with which to acquire that which is without 

So onward little soldier, 

Onward with your stride. 

Someday lady peace will come 

and kiss you like the sun

Poetic Justice

Many moons ago, in my teenage years my brother bought the video cassette of a movie called 'Poetic Justice'. The stars were Tupac and Janet Jackson. At the time I only knew this because I secretly read the summary of the movie on the back of the cassette case. I read it in secret because my mother had forbidden the movie to be watched in the house. Honestly, if she hadn't highlighted the presence of the movie I wouldn't have been interested in it, given that we had heaps of video cassettes and membership at a video shop. However, as we all know, once something is forbidden, it becomes more attractive. So I read the summary in secret and got intrigued.

To cut a long story short, I eventually watched the movie in secret. I didn't watch it all at once though because my mother never left her children unattended for more than a few minutes. Even as teenagers, my mother constantly checked in on us. So we had no real privacy.

Anyhow, I watched pieces of the movie at nights and when we were left in the custody of my father and he spent most of day outside I watched pieces of it. To my innocent ears the movie was filled with profanity, music to my virgin ears (lol). I really liked the emotions in the movie and the characters were so alive. My favourite character, however was Janet Jackson. She was a Poet / hair dresser, who had endured a hard life filled with loss. She was essentially all alone in the world. She had a few friends and co-workers but she was really alone. So one day, in her state of loneliness she wrote a poem about her loneliness and it has been in my head ever since I watched the movie. The poem actually belongs to Maya Angelou, but at the time, I didn't know that, so in my mind there is always a connection between the poem and the movie.

The first verse of the poem goes:

Lying, thinking last night
how to find my soul a home
where water is not thirsty
and bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
and I don't think I'm wrong
That nobody,
but nobody
can make it out here alone

On nights like these I lie and think about the homelessness of my tired soul. Many moons ago, it had a home, but over the last couple years, my soul has started feeling at odds with the rest of me. My soul has hit a place where water is thirsty and bread loaf is stone. I don't quite know how it got there and I don't quite know how to get it back home.